Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
