It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
