there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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