I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
