WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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