What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
