you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
