We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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