Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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