i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
