Plan B is the new Plan A
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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