I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
