And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
