He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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