I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
