i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
