Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
