And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
