1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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