We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize