i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
