you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
