if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
