"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
