guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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