i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
