Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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