I just cut my nipple shaving
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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