How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
