I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Can I color on your dick again?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
