I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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