I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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