Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
if only i could text you this smell
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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