this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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