im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
