There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
