i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize