I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
