i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
