I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize