i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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