You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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