I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
