Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My liver just had a heart attack.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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