Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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