We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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