I think I died a long time ago.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize