apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
