he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
