i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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