I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
