I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
farters have to be the big spoon...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
