You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She bit a glass in half.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
