How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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