its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
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Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
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I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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