You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
