my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize